


Love, Beca

by writteninbechloe



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26258119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninbechloe/pseuds/writteninbechloe
Summary: Beca Mitchell is very freaking gay - having a secret crush on your friend kind of gay.After an annonymous post on Barden Bliss, Beca learns she isn't alone. There is another closeted kid in school.They spill their interests, aspirations and darkest secrets to each other over email.Beca is beginning to fall for Red, and it scares the hell out of her, but she can't talk to anyone about it because nobody knows she's gay.
Relationships: Aubrey Posen/Jesse Swanson, Beca Mitchell & Jesse Swanson, Chloe Beale & Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Emily Junk & Beca Mitchell, Stacie Conrad & Aubrey Posen, Stacie Conrad & Beca Mitchell, Stacie Conrad/Aubrey Posen, Stacie Conrad/Luke
Comments: 19
Kudos: 61





	1. Barden Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if anything like this has been done before but this idea inspired by 'Love, Simon' has been sitting in my notes for a while so I finally decided to write it.

"Buddy, come 'ere." The brunette called as she ran up the stairs, battling two at a time.

Quiet footsteps were heard for a few seconds before a small beagle puppy was trailing behind her. She grinned at the dog and continued to run up the stairs.

"Beca." Beca's stepmother called from the kitchen once she'd reached the second floor. "We don't need another accident like yesterday." She reminded her.

Beca scoffed as she thought back to the incident from the previous day.

She had just gotten home from school, instantly dropped her bag to the floor and ran to greet Buddy. The brunette was so pleased to see her dog after being apart for six hours that they ended up in a heap on the floor. Beca was fussing over him, giving him a belly rub and laughing at the dog's antics. She was too preoccupied to notice just how excited Buddy was, only noticing the puddle on the kitchen floor when it was too late.

"Sorry, Kat." She shouted back. 

Beca and Buddy scurried into her bedroom, shutting the door behind them. The puppy immediately jumped up onto her bed and made himself comfortable amongst her blankets.

The sight made Beca smile, knowing that even though Buddy was a family pet, he chose her room to sleep in every day.

The brunette shuffled over to her desk and reached for one of her vinyl records from her collection that had previously belonged to her mother. She placed it on the turntable, a smile tugging at her lips as 'The Charming Man' by The Smiths began playing.

The guitar riff at the start of the song was one of her most loved sounds.

The Smiths were her comfort band for a while, (as well as a collection of other artists). Their music really helped her get through her darkest times.

Beca released a sigh when she finally collapsed onto her bed beside Buddy.

As she gazed up at the empty ceiling, she pictured the glow in the dark stars her best friend had in her bedroom. Stacie had had them since she was a child and they were too difficult to ever remove without marking the ceiling. Beca had asked her parents for them in her room when she was younger, but her father had called them 'tacky' and shut her down pretty quickly.

Her head tilted to the left, her eyes drifting to the framed photo. It was a picture of Beca with her friends, Stacie, Jesse, Aubrey, Chloe and Luke, taken at The Pancake Shack last summer.

The brunette's lips curled upwards as she reminisced, remembering every laugh they shared that night. It was the second gig her band _Kick Affiliation_ had performed, although the audience wasn't that big – they had only just started the band so they didn't expect much of an audience anyway – the applause they received had been a loud one.

The performance rush mixed with the alcohol she had consumed allowed her to drift blissfully the entire night and live life in the moment. It was seriously one of the best nights of her life.

The frame next to it contained a photo of her family – her father, Katherine, Emily and herself. Beca had a pair of headphones around her neck and was scowling at the camera so it may have looked like she didn't want to be there – but that was just how Beca was. Beca took her headphones with her everywhere.

Music had always been a part of Beca's life; her mother had taught her how to play the piano as she was growing up and her father was always playing music throughout the house. It was never quiet in the Mitchell household and Beca loved that.

To Beca, silence was always a bad thing. Unlike most people, Beca needed noise to be able to concentrate, whether it be muttered conversations from across the room, or music playing in her headphones. So, if it was silent, Beca's thoughts would take over instead, forcing her to think about things she would rather not.

She loved noise. Until the noise in her house was no longer music, replaced by arguments and constant shouting.

After her Parent's divorce, Beca's father left her and her mother for another woman, or as Beca liked to refer to her as: The Stepmonster. He took the noise with him when he left, Beca was finally free of the arguments, but her mom stopped playing the piano too. Her house was too quiet then, so Beca started creating her own music, making mashups of different songs to fill the void.

Sheila was kind of a bitch, and Beca hated her.

She had always blamed Sheila for her parents' divorce even though she knew it was inevitable. Beca's parents weren't happy for years before the affair even started, but she was angry at her for stealing her father from her.

They moved to Atlanta and left Beca behind in Seattle. The two Mitchell women had two incredibly happy years together, just the two of them. Until Beca's mother got into a car accident three years ago. Her injuries were fatal, and she died soon after arriving at the hospital.

Beca, only being fourteen, had no other option, so she was forced to move to Atlanta to live with her father and the dreaded stepmonster.

After a while, her father's relationship with Sheila started sinking, at first Beca blamed herself and her presence in their home, but soon learned that Sheila had cheated on him.

Beca had to admit that it was kind of ironic.

After another failed marriage for Wren Mitchell, he dedicated his time to his daughter, hoping to make up for abandoning her when she was twelve. Beca was reluctant at first but over time she grew fond of her father and their relationship started growing. The two still had arguments from time to time but Beca wasn't as petty about them anymore, and Mr Mitchell was more adamant to fight for his daughter, instead of fighting _with_ her.

At the beginning of last year, Beca could see that her father was missing something in his life, she could see he was lonely, so she attempted to spice up his love life, or lack thereof. After many failed dates, Beca gave up, claiming he was too fussy.

When Mr Mitchell started a new job at the Barden University teaching comparative literature, he met another professor, Katherine Junk and the two seemed to click immediately. They started dating a couple of months after, and last November Katherine and her daughter moved into the Mitchell home.

Beca was surprised by how much she actually liked her father's new girlfriend and her daughter. She wasn't much of a 'people-person' but she loved the Junk girls. Emily was three years younger than Beca, but they got along well, finding a common interest in music.

* * *

Overall, Beca Mitchell was a normal kid, with a normal – if you count that as normal – family, and she had an amazing group of friends who loved the absolute shit out of her – they were definitely not normal, but they were her chosen family of awesome nerds.

She was normal...ish. 

Except for one major thing that made her stand out more than her introverted ass would have liked.

Beca had a secret, one that no one else knew, and she'd been holding on to it for years.

* * *

Once 'The Charming Man' came to an end, Beca jumped up from her position on her bed and walked over to her turntable again. She suddenly felt the need to change the beat of the music, so she returned the vinyl to its allocated slot – she had them all ordered in chronological order – and selected her favourite Paramore album.

She slumped down on the chair in front of her desk, her head rested in the palms of her hands as she glared at the newest stack of assignments from multiple classes. Her phone started ringing before she even had the chance to start her homework, and she was more than grateful for the distraction.

She reached into her pocket to retrieve her phone. "Hi, Stace." Beca answered the call.

"Oh my god. Have you seen the most recent post on Barden Bliss?"

"You're obsessed with that." Beca groaned into the phone, "Do you need an intervention?"

Stacie laughed, but her tone stayed serious. "This one is a good one. Trust me."

And because Beca did trust Stacie – but also because she secretly loved the gossip that Barden Bliss provided as much as Stacie did – she hurried to find her bag.

"Alright. I'll get my laptop." She said as she picked up her backpack and pulled out her laptop.

Before Beca had sat back down, Stacie started talking again. "It's about a closeted bi kid at school."

"What?" Beca's head snapped up and her eyes widened. _What? Closeted Bi kid?_

* * *

_Everyone has secrets that they’re holding onto, too afraid to let go of, but mine is starting to become a burden. I can’t say that keeping my secret is making me unhappy, because I am happy. But it's not just that. I am happy, excited and hopeful all the time, but I’m also terrified, paranoid, scared and lost. I feel so alone constantly. Keeping a secret as big as this is draining the life out of me. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore. I shouldn’t have to._

_I can’t ask for a better family or friends. They make me feel completely loved every day. But just because I know they love me, doesn’t make this any easier. They don’t know the real me, and when it finally comes out, I’m scared that I’ll lose the people that mean the most to me. Hiding something like this from the people that love me the most in the world is tiring. I'm the same girl I've always been, but I’m just not ready for the whole world to know. I just need to tell someone, to finally make it real._

_Nobody knows I'm Bi._

_Red._

* * *

She'd been completely zoned out and almost forgotten that she was on the phone to Stacie, so when she spoke again, Beca was suddenly brought back to the present.

"Have you read it? I wonder who it is."

Stacie was already extremely invested in finding out who it was, which gave Beca the urge to shout at her – to tell her to 'sack up' because whoever posted that was clearly still in the closet and didn't want to be outed.

Beca's heart began to pound in her chest as she reread the last line. "Yeah. Uh – I - Em needs my help with something in the kitchen. I'm going to have to call you back."

She didn't wait for Stacie to reply before she pressed the 'end call' button and slammed her phone down on her desk.

Beca’s eyes scanned the screen again, as she read the post for the second time, reading the last four words over until her eyes stopped on the email address at the bottom of the post.

"Fuck it." Beca muttered, then opened up a new search window, locating Gmail immediately. She waited for the website to load before she clicked 'create account’ as she decided an anonymous email address was for the best.

Her fingers were shaking slightly as she looked around her room, hoping something would jump out at her and give her an idea for an email address. It wasn’t until she looked out the window that something sparked in her mind. She noticed it was raining and that the clouds were dark – almost black.

After alternating between a few variations, she finally settled on an email address. She hesitated for a minute and contemplated whether it was a good idea or not, before starting a new email.

* * *

**FROM:** blueandblackrain@gmail.com   
**TO:** fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
 **SUBJECT:** hey

_I'm just like you. For the most part, my life is totally normal. I'm a somewhat normal teenager, with a family that I actually like, not that I'd ever tell my Dad that. I have an adorable doggo, and a great group of friends that I love. They're all total weirdos but we have each other's backs._

_I drink way too much iced coffee and I listen to music 24/7. Sports really aren't my forte, but I'd run a mile if it meant I got the chance to meet David Guetta._

_So yeah, I'm a normal teenager. My life is pretty awesome really – it's totally perfectly normal. But I just feel like nobody really knows me because I have one huge ass secret._

* * *

Beca had a moment of panic when she almost finished the email with her own name.

"It's fucking anonymous, you idiot." Beca huffed to herself and quickly erased her name.

She began to scan around her room rather frantically, searching for an inspiration to hit. Her gaze bounced from her guitar to her bookshelf, neither of those things helped her in any way. She considered using one of the authors names on one of her books, but none of them seemed to feel right.

_I'm just a girl and you're not as alone as you feel_

_We all got problems, don't we?_

_We all need heroes, don't we?_

_Be rest assured, there's not a single person here who's worthy._

Hayley Williams' voice drifted to her ears and a grin settled at her lips as she allowed the melody to take over her thoughts.

Although it wasn't perfect, it was the only thing she could think of, it was either that or 'Clifford' – she had a small cuddly toy of Clifford The Big Red Dog on her bookshelf from when she was younger.

So, Beca wrapped up the email with ' _Melody_ ' and quickly sent it, not wanting to give herself the chance to change her mind - or as she would put it: pussy out.


	2. Becawww

By the next morning, the only email Beca had received was a conformation of her new email account. Although she was disappointed, she didn't have time to dwell on it because she was already running late for school. She sacrificed her time to get ready by snoozing two of her alarms and sleeping for an extra half hour. 

Beca slipped her headphones over her ears and placed the strap of her school bag over her shoulder. Her music started up as she dashed out of her bedroom. 

As she approached the bottom of the stairs, her father looked up from where he was sat at the kitchen table. "Morning, Bec." He greeted as he folded the newspaper and sat it on the table. 

"Morning." Beca mumbled mid yawn. Her sleep dazed state was still apparent, so she headed towards the coffee machine in desperate need of a fix. 

She dropped her bag to the floor, slid her headphones down, and began to prepare her coffee. Buddy appeared at her feet, preventing her from moving elsewhere. 

Beca pouted at the puppy, then reached for a tin of dog food from the cupboard, and emptied it into Buddy's food bowl. "Eat up, bud." She said after she'd placed the bowl on the floor. He began to dig in to his breakfast almost instantly. 

A small laugh escaped Beca as she watched the small puppy demolish the food. As Beca glanced up, she watched as Kat served up two fluffy pancakes onto a plate whilst Emily poured three glasses of orange juice. 

She carried the glasses over to the table then returned to her mother's side. All of a sudden Emily burst into song. _"Pour a glass and bite my tongue. You say I'm the only one."_

Beca joined in, and took the next line, _"If it's true then why you running, you running, ooh."_

 _"If you're really being honest, if you really want this, ooh."_ Emily sang. 

The following line was sung by Kat as she swung the spatula about. _"Why you acting like a stranger."_

 _"What's with your behaviour, ooh."_ Beca sang as she shuffled her feet side to side. 

They collectively took up the next few lines of the song. _"Say my name, say my name. If you love me let me hear you. Say my name, say my name."_

No one had the chance to claim the next line because Kat turned abruptly. "Oh shit." She hissed once she'd picked up the frying pan and examined the contents. "Does anyone want a burnt pancake?"

Spontaneous singing wasn't rare in the Mitchell-Junk household. Beca, Emily and Kat sang together all the time and it made Beca feel more at home. She had missed the presence of music in her home, it filled the dark empty void, without music everything felt a little empty. But the house was beginning to become more alive, and Beca loved it. 

"Can you girls go a day without singing?" Wren Mitchell groaned, but his tone was only teasing. 

Beca stood up straighter, sending a playful glare in her father's direction. "Music is in my blood, Dad." Beca said, "It makes me feel alive." She added, with a slight chuckle despite being serious. 

"Well god forbid you feel dead. Sing on my dear."

Beca laughed at her father's foolishness then reached for her travel mug of coffee from the counter beside Emily.

Before she could escape her crazy family, Emily caught her wrist and span her back around. A plate was placed in her hand before she could resist, so Beca sulked over to the table and took a seat opposite her father. 

Only one of the pancakes was eaten before Beca jumped up from her seat, declaring that she was going to be late. 

She grabbed her black backpack from the back of the chair and shouted a vague goodbye before she slipped out the front door and headed towards her black Nissan Titan truck.

Before she set off, she connected her phone to the aux cord and pressed shuffle on her 'car jams' playlist. Once satisfied by the song choice, Beca backed out of the driveway and headed towards Stacie's house. 

Beca's family didn't have a lot of money, and the only reason she had her own truck was because it was her Grandad's before he died. He had purchased the vehicle only a few months before he passed and his will stated it be passed on to Beca. She had protested at first, claiming that they should have sold it and used the money for something the family as a whole needed, but her father had insisted that Beca keep it as it was one of the only things she had left of her Grandad. 

After a few minutes of driving with the window down and blasting Stand Atlantic, Beca's truck edged onto her best friend's driveway.

The passenger door opened only seconds later, and a leggy brunette entered the vehicle. 

"Hey, Stace." Beca murmured, then skipped the current song after she decided it was probably too depressing for a 'fun' car ride. 

It didn't take long for the taller girl to put her seatbelt on and adjust her position. "Hi, Mitch." Stacie replied, her tone slightly too enthusiastic for that time of the morning. 

Beca didn't understand how Stacie could be so awake in the morning. For the smaller brunette, coffee was an essential, and without it she wouldn't be able to function adequately. With that, Beca reached for her travel mug and finished off the remaining contents. Once the cup was back in the cup holder, Beca reversed the truck out of Stacie's small driveway, stopping outside the opposite house. 

"Dude," Beca turned in her seat to make eye contact with Stacie, "you gotta stop calling me 'Mitch', it's weird."

"I could call you Mitchum." A grin cracked out on Stacie's face in response to Beca screwing her face up in disgust. 

The smaller brunette shrugged, as she genuinely considered it. "I guess it's better than -"

"Becawww." The squeal was followed by the back seat door opening to reveal Jesse. He grinned at his two friends before hopping into the truck. 

Stacie couldn't contain her burst of laughter when she acknowledged the grimace on Beca's face. She knew how much that nickname annoyed her. 

"Dickwad." Beca muttered, then started to tap along to the beat of the song with her fingers on the wheel. 

Jesse got settled in the back seat whilst Stacie reapplied her lipstick in the sun visor mirror. Beca's gaze flashed to the rear view mirror, her eyes drifted between her two friends. 

The three brunette's had been friends since Beca moved to Atlanta her freshman year. She was standoffish at first, afraid of getting close to people at the risk of getting hurt. 

Her lunch periods were spent in the music room alone and she always fled from school at the end of the day as soon as the last bell went off. Beca didn't socialise with anyone at school then locked herself in her room at home. She was pretty much a loner until Jesse Swanson and Stacie Conrad barged into the music room and wouldn't leave until she agreed to hang out with them after school with their other friends. She was hesitant at first, confused as to why anyone wanted to socialise with a weird loner freak like her, but Beca didn't stand out in their crowd, they were all pretty unique and it made her feel like she'd finally found her people.

Since then the brunette trio were inseparable. 

Beca wasn't sure why she didn't just 'do it' and come out to her friends. She knew they would love her no matter what, at least that was what she hoped, but perhaps it was because coming out was _her thing._ Beca could only come out to them once, and she didn't want to do it wrong or rush it. It was _her_ coming out and no one could take that from her. She wasn't quite ready for her friends to know but she knew they would be there for her when she was.

Her eyes were still locked on the rear view mirror and she watched as Jesse grimaced at something Stacie said. The corners of Beca's eyes crinkled slightly as her lips curved upwards into an affectionate smile. 

She couldn't be more grateful to have those two dorks as her best friends. 

"What are you smiling for?" Jesse questioned as he examined his friend's expression. 

It was rare that Beca smiled - that was all part of her badass reputation that she claimed to have. Everyone that was lucky enough to know Beca knew that she was a big softie at heart, but they also knew how hard she could pack a punch so refrained from getting on her bad side. And teasing Beca for being a softie would have done just that. 

But seeing Beca smile was still something that seemed so rare, and it made Jesse wonder what the hell Beca had in her coffee that morning.

Within an instant, Beca's face shot back to its original frowning form. All emotion rinsed from her face as she fired a glare back at her best friend. 

"What? I'm not." Beca huffed. She spared one more glance in the mirror then started up the engine again. 

From the passenger seat Stacie smirked, "Mmm-hmm." 

"Shut up." The small brunette muttered, her grip on the steering wheel tightened. 

"Oh my god, did you see that post on Barden Bliss?" Stacie directed at Jesse. She even turned in her seat to face him so they could discuss it. Beca got the idea that their conversation would maintain the topic of the 'bi kid' for the majority of the journey so she put her head down and started towards their next stop. 

"The post you sent to me four times? Yeah, I saw that."

Instead of contributing her thoughts on the topic, Beca stared ahead at the road with the hope that her friends would find something better to obsess over. 

Her friends had never been particularly homophobic before, they may have looked at an obviously gay couple in the street for a beat too long, or made a comment about a gay celebrity but they'd never said anything that pushed the boundaries. But that didn't stop Beca from being overly anxious about what they were going to say about the latest gossip. 

"Who do you think it is?" Jesse questioned once he'd finished reading the post once more on Stacie's phone. 

"My bets on Cynthia Rose." Stacie confidentially said as she tucked her phone back into her bra. 

Jesse nodded twice. "I agree." He hummed. 

Beca stayed quiet. She didn't want to say anything but she already knew Cynthia Rose was gay - not bi - so she wasn't the person who made the post, but it was quite amusing for Beca to listen to her friends try to figure out who the bi girl was when they had no idea that their friend is gay as well. 

"I always catch her looking at me." Stacie commented, "I don't blame her. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?" She gestured to her boobs with a smirk. 

Beca caught onto Jesse's faint blush when he attempted to cover it up with a cough. She had to admit that Stacie was pretty hot, but Beca wasn't aware that Jesse thought so too. She always thought his type was blonde and annoying. 

"What about you, Bec? Any bets on the bi kid?" Jesse reached his hand over the front seat and nudged Beca's shoulder softly. 

"Um...I don't know." Beca mumbled. She didn't want either of her friends to acknowledge her mini freak out so she switched up the volume on her phone in attempt to distract them from their conversation. 

Beca let out a heavy exhale when the truck pulled into the driveway of their blonde friends house. Neither of her friends had time to start up the conversation again because Aubrey slid into the back seat beside Jesse and the presence of Aubrey Posen was enough to distract Jesse from near enough anything. 

"Hey guys." She gave a tight lipped smile to the three brunettes then got settled in her seat. 

Jesse immediately began to ramble on about a movie he watched. He gave a detailed description of the plot to an eager Aubrey who seemed to hang onto his every word. 

A poke to Beca's knee brought her attention back to the front of the car. She glanced sideways at Stacie who had her eyebrows raised and a smirk tilting her expression. Beca returned it with an equally amused look. 

Beca blocked out Jesse's voice with the music now being controlled by Stacie as she drove towards the pancake shack. 

The truck pulled up next to the drive through window and Beca ordered five iced coffees. 

"Do you have an imaginary friend?" Jesse quizzed, and when Beca gave him a strange look in the rear view mirror, he added, "Who's the fifth coffee for?" Jesse didn't miss the sheepish look that flashed over Beca's face, but he didn't question it.

"Chlo." Beca admitted, just as the coffee's were passed to her. She thanked the man and handed the drinks to Stacie. 

As Beca's truck pulled into the school parking lot, her eyes immediately located the redhead standing with their other friends. Even amongst their group of friends, Chloe Beale was the only one that stood out to Beca. 

She parked the truck and they all exited the vehicle. The four friends made their way over to Chloe, Luke and Amy. 

A grin slipped onto Beca's face when Chloe's eyes met hers and Chloe's own expression widened. The redhead fled from the others and walked directly over to the small brunette. 

"Hey." Chloe grinned. 

Chloe's smile alone sent a tiny bolt of nerves up Beca's spine, but the way Chloe's eyes and cheeks were embraced in the smile made Beca's breathing hitch. 

Before Beca could do - or say - anything that would embarrass herself, or even out herself, Stacie appeared at Beca's side. 

"Hey, Chloe." Stacie flashed Chloe a smile before she turned to the brunette. "Here's your coffee." She handed over the drinks then turned back to her conversation with Luke. 

Beca took one of the coffees out of the cup holder and held it out towards Chloe. "This is for you. There's milk in it." 

Chloe gushed at the coffee and let out an excited squeal as she took the coffee from Beca. "Thanks, Bec." She smiled from ear to ear. 

"No biggie." Beca shrugged. 

The two slowly made their way over to the rest of the group, where Jesse was still talking Aubrey's ear off about movies. Luke and Amy were discussing the plans for Friday night with Stacie piping in with ideas every now and then. Stacie looked bored, which was a rare sight because she tended to make her own entertainment. 

"Is Stacie okay? She seems down." Chloe said, which confirmed her thoughts.

Beca frowned. "She was alright before. She does seem a little weird though. I'll talk to her." Chloe nodded, then laced her arm through Beca's which seriously caught Beca off guard. 

The group emerged towards the school doors, Beca and Chloe's arms still attached. "Have you done the English homework?" Chloe asked, once the group had split in half. Amy, Aubrey and Stacie walked in the opposite direction towards their first period classroom. 

"Fuck." Beca groaned, her spare hand hitting her forehead lightly. "Shit. I forgot."

A small grin appeared on Chloe's face as if she was expecting Beca to not do it. "It's okay. You can copy mine."

Beca didn't have time to thank her because the tall blond appeared at Chloe's other side. "Beale, I know you love me-"

"No, you can do your own work." Chloe said, and lightly nudged Luke away from her. He glanced over Chloe's shoulder at Beca, who stuck her tongue out at him. 

"I hate you both." Luke groaned, before he pushed Jesse through the open door of their classroom and followed in behind him. 

Beca and Chloe entered after them, and took a seat at the back of the room at the desk beside them. As soon as they sat down, Beca felt the loss of warmth from the lack of Chloe's contact. She squeezed her eyes in attempt to rid of the way she was feeling. 

Jesse and Stacie were her best friends, but she treasured her friendship with Chloe differently. 

She trusted Chloe, probably more than Jesse or Stacie. She hadn't known Chloe as long as the others but she clicked with her instantly. All Chloe had to do to convince Beca to join the Barden Bellas was flash her a smile and within seconds Beca had signed up to audition. The two girls connected on a different level entirely, and even though that frightened Beca, it also made her feel like she'd met someone that finally understood her. 

"Becaw," Jesse called. Beca lifted her head and glanced over at Jesse, "Pancake shack after school?"

Beca shifted her gaze to Chloe, but avoided looking directly into her eyes. "You in?"

"Always." Chloe gave a quick squeeze to Beca's arm. 

Beca looked over at Jesse and nodded, "Sure, but we have Bellas rehersal." He grinned widely and stuck both of his thumbs up goofily. 

Although Beca hated English, it was made bearable by Chloe's presence. She'd laugh at Beca's jokes and stop her from getting distracted or zoning out for too long. 

English was also Chloe's favourite subject. She had read every book before they even started studying it and knew every piece of poetry that their teacher quoted.

At times when Beca was completely lost, she would ask Chloe to explain the work in a way she would understand. Beca didn't miss the way the redhead's blue eyes would always light up whenever she talked about the literature, and even though Beca wouldn't really be listening to her, she would hang onto every one of Chloe's words. 

After about twenty minutes of the teacher rambling on about their last set of essays, Beca perked up when she remembered the USB stick in her bag. "Oh shit. I forgot about this." She reached for her bag and took out the USB from her front pocket. "I think you'll like this one. It has some Kesha and David Guetta on it." She dropped it into Chloe's awaiting hand. 

"Oh my god, Becs. Thank you." Chloe exclaimed, her hand reaching out for Beca's and she gave it a squeeze. 

The small DJ grinned at the sight in front of her."It's...whatever." 

It wasn't 'whatever'. Beca didn't let anyone listen to her mixes, choosing to keep them to herself instead, so giving multiple mixes to Chloe was quite a big deal. She had allowed Jesse and Stacie to listen to a few of her mixes and they had both loved them. Chloe had also convinced her to let her listen to a couple - they were drunk so Beca really didn't need much convincing. 

But Chloe's opinion mattered more to her. She cared about what Chloe thought of her music, because she knew the redhead would give her honest opinion and she really wanted Chloe to like them. She was hesitant to give them to her, but the way Chloe's face lit up when she handed the USB over was totally worth it. 

"I don't know if you'll like them but -" Chloe's hand came to rest on top of Beca's, pulling her from her rambling. 

A chuckle fell from Chloe's lips as she gave Beca's hand a squeeze. "I'll love it. I love all of your mixes."

"You've only ever heard two." Beca deadpanned, which received a warm smile from Chloe. 

"Well I loved them." Chloe said. 

A slight blush began to heat up Beca's cheeks. She ducked her head in attempt to hide it from Chloe. "Okay." 

Beca could tell that Chloe was still looking at her so she slowly lifted her head. The corners of Chloe's blue eyes crinkled as she stared into Beca's darker blues. The air between them shifted as the intensity of their gaze increased. 

"Just don't show anyone else," Beca whispered, "They're...just for you."

"Thanks Bec."

* * *

It had only been one day since she sent the email, but Beca needed to know if the girl would ever respond. She didn't want to drive herself crazy over something that wouldn't ever happen.

Beca refreshed her emails once more and groaned when her inbox came up empty. She locked her phone with a heavy sigh and slammed her fist down on the table which made her lunch tray clatter slightly. 

"What's up with you, Mitchell?" Jesse questioned, and set his half-bitten sandwich down to give Beca his full attention. 

He wasn't the only one seated around the table that had acknowledged her frustration. Amy, Chloe and Stacie were watching Beca closely. 

"Nothing." The small brunette muttered, too distracted to acknowledge the glances between her friends. 

"Then why do you keep on checking your phone?" Jesse raised an eyebrow in question. 

A smirk came from Amy across the table, "You got a hot date?" The blonde asked, which gained the attention of everyone else at the table. 

"Fuck off." Beca said, her tone a little empty to be rude. She stood up from the table, grabbed her backpack and fled from the cafeteria as quickly as her short legs would take her. 

She came to a halt at a bench next to the main school building and shoved herself down on it. She unlocked her phone and within seconds she had got up her sent emails. Her eyes scanned over the most recent one, taking in every word she had typed out. 

_What if I scared her away?_

Beca didn't have time to digest her thoughts before Stacie settled on the bench beside her. 

"You look how I feel." The tall brunette stated. She lifted her hips off the bench to reach for the packet of cigarettes in her pocket. "Want a smoke?" Stacie held up the pack and offered one to Beca. 

Beca didn't smoke that often but due to the recent added stress from the email, she had been on edge all day. "Fuck it. Yeah, okay."

The two brunette's walked behind the building to a more secluded area before lighting their cigarettes. 

After a couple of drags, Beca suddenly remembered the conversation she had shared with Chloe before school. 

Stacie had been acting strange all day, granted Beca only had one class with her, but by the start of lunch Stacie still didn't seem like herself. If it was a normal day, Stacie would have jumped at the opportunity to tease Beca about a potential date, but whilst Amy and Jesse asked the questions Stacie just sat there. 

It just didn't make any sense to Beca. Stacie was fine in the morning, especially when talking about the post on Barden Bliss. She seemed to be all over that. 

Beca's eyes widened at the realisation. 

Perhaps the only reason why Stacie was so persistent with the latest Barden Bliss gossip was because _she_ was the closeted Bi girl. 

_Fuck. My gaydar really isn't great._

Stacie broke Beca from her thoughts. "If something is bothering you, I'm always here. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, of course." Beca said. She glanced over at her best friend and gave her a small, tight-lipped smile. 

The attempt at a smile didn't pass by Stacie. "So...what's going on?" She pushed. 

"I could ask you the same thing." Beca replied with a slight huff. "How come you've been a little quiet today?"

She didn't say anything for a while, Beca started to think that Stacie just wasn't going to answer her until she finally spoke up. 

"I hooked up with Luke last night."

Okay...so, maybe Beca was wrong about the whole bisexual thing. 

"Shit. Really?" Beca couldn't hide the shock from her tone. 

"Yeah." Beca was expecting Stacie to at least smirk, but she simply nodded. 

Beca had known that her friend wanted to get into Luke's pants for a while, but now that she had, why was she so glum?

"Was it like...bad or something?"

Stacie let out a laugh, "No. Luke is fucking good in bed." But she didn't give any further insight to why she was acting weird. 

The small DJ frowned, "So...what's wrong?"

She didn't miss a beat before she replied. "Do you think Aubrey and Jesse will get together?"

Beca took a moment to think about it. "I think they both like each other," she admitted. 

"Will it ruin us? The four of us are so close...what if they get together and it completely fucks us up?"

Beca raised her eyebrows at her friend, whilst forcing the grin off her face. "This is what's bothering you?" 

"Yeah." Stacie whispered. 

What if she had it all wrong? Maybe Stacie slept with Luke because she got jealous of Jesse and Aubrey. Did Stacie like Jesse? But that didn't make much sense either. 

_Why are straight people so confusing?_

"Don't worry about us. We'll be okay. If being together makes them happy then we shouldn't stop it. If shit goes down we'll deal with it." 

"You're right." Stacie sighed and dropped her head to her hands. "I've been so stressed lately. I'm just overthinking everything."

"I know how that feels." The small brunette replied as she picked at her thumbnail - a bad habit of hers. 

Stacie looked up from her hands and acknowledged the glum expression on her best friend's face. "Want to ditch the rest of the day? I need a drink."

"Fuck yes." Beca said. "But I need to be back for band practice."

A grin spread across Stacie's face as she stood up from her spot on the grass. Just as Beca was about to do the same, the default alert for gmail sounded from Beca's phone. She unlocked her phone in a rapid motion only to find an email from an online clothing store with a ten percent discount. 

"Fuck." Beca muttered after she'd pocketed her phone and shoved the lighter into her back pocket. 

She was giving up hope that the mystery girl would ever actually write back to her.

Beca Mitchell was not the type of person to care too much about anyone - she knew just how much that could hurt her, yet she found herself wishing that she'd get an email back, and soon. She couldn't get her out of her mind, at times wondering who the hell she was, and if she already knew her.


	3. Band and Bellas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one week? Who am I?? :D

A slightly tipsy Beca entered the music practice room where Jesse and Luke were already waiting for her. She had intended on only having one drink with Stacie, but one beer soon turned to two and then another followed which caused her to lose track of time.

Beca was only ten minutes late but she didn't want to risk losing any practice time. They had cut their last practice short when Aubrey demanded Beca to ‘haul her butt into the auditorium’ for ‘urgent’ extra Bellas practice after their last performance went completely tits up. 

Their band used the music practice room as frequently as they could in school time - typically their free period that they all shared. At the weekends they practiced in Luke’s basement, which had installed sound proofing and the instruments they needed. 

Neither of her bandmates looked up at her, but she figured they weren’t yet aware of her presence as the door hadn’t shut behind her loud enough to alert them. 

The tallest band member was sitting at the drums, twisting the drum sticks in his hands and pretending to start up a beat. 

Jesse was sitting on one of the chairs, staring intently at his phone. Beca didn't need to see his screen to know he was playing candy crush. 

The small brunette walked towards the guitar stand but her foot knocked against a chair in the process which caused the other brunette to snap his head up. 

"There she is." Jesse said as he chucked his phone into his bag. His words made Luke look up and face the small brunette with a playful grin. 

"Hi." Beca set her lips into a tight smile before she made her way over to another chair and rid of her jacket. 

The two guys stared at her for a moment longer, both analysing her current mood. 

"Bree said you left with Stacie.” Jesse started when they had been silent for too long. “Where'd you go?"

Beca didn’t really think it was any of his business, she could go whether she wanted, whenever she wanted. She didn’t need his permission.

A frown settled at her lips in addition to the way her eyebrows furrowed as she assessed the snarky remark that sat at the tip of her tongue. But she quickly reminded herself that her defence mechanisms weren’t needed. 

_He’s probably just asking where you went because you totally flipped at everyone in the cafeteria earlier._

_Stop being weird, you freak._

Beca didn’t need to close herself off from Jesse just because she was not in the greatest mood. Jesse was her friend. She used to distance herself from him when she didn’t feel like talking, but that was years ago - before they actually got to know each other. 

She glanced up at her friends and grunted a response that she knew they wouldn't have been able to hear. Her feet carried her over to the guitar stand and she dumped her bags onto the floor. 

"Went to Don's." She finally said once the guitar strap was around her shoulder. 

"You went to a bar in the middle of the day?" Jesse asked, his tone somewhat surprised.

"Yeah?” She paused. “I don’t feel like talking. Can we just...?” she didn’t finish her sentence but it was enough for both of them to know what she meant. 

"Well you don't seem wasted so...let's roll." Luke chuckled. 

Beca was a little surprised when Jesse didn’t protest, but she was glad that he didn’t interrogate her anymore. She just wanted to push her thoughts to the back of her mind and let the music take over. 

* * *

"That was fucking good." Jesse breathed. And Beca had to agree - they sounded pretty dope. 

They had started off with a few covers: She's A God - Neck Deep, What's My Age Again? - Blink-182 and Coffee at Midnight - Stand Atlantic. Followed by a couple of originals, one that Beca had written alone, and another two that they all had contributed lyrics to. 

Jesse slotted his guitar onto the stand then took a seat beside Beca. She allowed a lazy smile to spread across her face as she lifted the Red Bull to her lips and downed the contents. 

Beca's expression was a lot less tense than when she arrived. 

All she really needed was to sing - to let the music consume her thoughts and take over her feelings. That was all she needed whenever she was feeling down, angry, or even when she wasn't feeling anything at all. 

"What were you two talking about when I got here?" Beca questioned with a smirk growing at her lips. She had picked up on the final few pieces of their conversation when she arrived, and was intrigued but wasn't in the mood for their stupid guy talk. 

Jesse spoke quickly, "Luke's toner for Stacie." 

One glance in Jesse's direction and Beca knew that he didn't know anything about Luke and Stacie hooking up. She wasn't going to mention it and betray Stacie's trust, and she didn't particularly want to do that to Luke either. He was an ass at times but Beca loved him nonetheless. 

"Why the hell do you have to talk like Posen all the time?" Beca groaned at her friends choice of word. 

She remembered the first time Aubrey accused her of having a toner. For Jesse of all people. She had laughed in her face at the thought of ever getting with Jesse, he was her best friend. Beca of course denied it but Aubrey didn't listen so Beca found herself going along with it because she didn't want to have to admit that she didn't have a toner for Jesse, but for one of their friends who happened to be a _girl_. 

"Because he has the hots for her." Luke offered, and Beca figured that made sense. She just hoped he didn't start spontaneously singing 'The sign' or 'Turn the beat around' because that would have been hell. 

"Dude, don't I fucking know it." Beca laughed, "They flirt in the backseats of my truck every morning."

It only took Luke a few seconds to come up with a response. "I'm sure that's not all they do in your back seats." He chuckled at the way Beca's eyes widened before her head whipped around to glare at Jesse. 

"Don't fucking fuck in my truck." She said, her face cold as she continued to glare at the brunette. 

Jesse smirked, but bowed his head when he acknowledged the spark in Beca's eyes.

"Don't worry, Bec. Posen is never gonna go for him." Luke commented, then dodged the arm that Jesse threw his way. 

"That's true." Beca laughed at Jesse's saddened puppy dog expression. 

The tall blonde turned to Jesse, and gave him a smirk. "Hey, man. Remember when you had a crush on Mitchell?"

"Oh my god, stop." Beca blurted out before she rested her head on her hand which was balled into a fist. 

"If I remember, the two of you kissed." Luke teased, and wiggled his eyebrows which made laughter flutter from Beca's stomach. 

"Best kiss I've ever had." Jesse joked, and followed it up with kissy noises in Beca's direction. 

Beca could think of multiple replies to that, all of which were references to her sexuality, but she couldn't out herself right then so she allowed the thoughts to dwell in her mind. 

_Must have not been very good if it turned me gay._

But she knew she was gay before she kissed him - well, she actually thought she was bisexual at first, but she kissed Jesse and realised she had no attraction to him at all - to any guys in fact. 

Beca knew Jesse was joking, but if that really was the best kiss he'd ever had then he was in desperate need for a do-over (with someone else) because two inexperienced fourteen year olds definitely did not know how to kiss. 

"Oh shit!" Beca turned her phone around in her hand and the screen lit up which instantly informed her that it was quarter-past three. Bellas practice started at three. "Fuck. Fuck. Shit."

Both Jesse and Luke watched their friend in amusement as she frantically stood up and grabbed her bag. 

"Posen is going to kill me." Beca groaned, but the look on her face made it obvious that she wasn't too bothered about being late. "Jess, take my guitar?" He nodded. 

Luke stood up too. "Have fun singing those lame songs." 

The smaller brunette turned and flashed her teeth in a quick grin. "See you later, dorks."

Before Beca had left the room completely, Jesse yelled after her. "Pancake shack?"

"If I haven't been murdered. I'll meet you there." She shouted back. 

* * *

It took Beca a few minutes to walk across the courtyard to the auditorium. She could hear her fellow aca-nerds before she even entered the building. 

"Look who finally graced us with her presence." Aubrey said when Beca finally made it through the double doors. 

Silence quickly took over the group as everyone's attention shifted to where Beca was standing. 

"Figured you'd like my company." Beca retorted as she made her way over to the bleachers. A few of the girls snickered, but ducked their heads when Aubrey glared in their direction. 

"Now that everyone is here," Aubrey started, her voice calm, but her tone switched within an instant. "Fall in line, Bellas." She bellowed. 

It was a weird demand so Beca ignored her. She placed her bag and jacket down on the ground beside Chloe's bright pink gym bag then returned to the group. Not one person had attempted to start the formation of the line, even Chloe was standing with her back to Aubrey. 

"Hurry up, aca-bitches." The blonde said when everyone was still stood in the same place. That seemed to get the Bellas moving, yet somehow it took over a minute for everyone to form a line in front of the leader of the group. 

Beca - stood (squashed) in between Amy and Chloe - glanced up at the redhead to find her with a small smile on her face. The small brunette didn't understand why Chloe was constantly smiling. Life wasn't all shits 'n' giggles, so what the hell did she have to smile about?

"Why are we in a line?" The blonde to Beca's left questioned in a hushed whisper. 

"Fuck knows." Beca muttered. She heard Chloe let out a giggle from beside her which made a smile grow at the corners of her lips. 

"Okay everyone, it's time for some cardio."

Beca raised her eyebrows. "Why cardio?" She asked. 

Amy raised her hand to ensure that she was spotted by Aubrey. "Yeah, don't put me down for cardio." 

Both of their comments went ignored by the captain. "Five laps around the auditorium. Up the bleachers too."

"Is she trying to kill us?" Cynthia Rose gasped and Beca nodded along in agreement. 

"I've killed someone before." A tiny whisper was heard and Beca whipped her head around in Lily's direction. Lily was weird, and also kind of freaked Beca out at times with her strange and shocking remarks.

"What are you all waiting for?" Aubrey asked, which made a majority of the group groan, or make a noise of some sort. Chloe led the group up the stairs of the bleachers, first followed by Stacie, then Cynthia Rose, Lily and Jessica and Ashley. "Oh, and Beca?"

Beca span on the spot to meet Aubrey's squinted gaze. "What's up?" She questioned. 

"You have two extra laps." Aubrey informed her, and Beca groaned rather loudly. She was about to argue back when Aubrey smirked. "Don't like it? Then don't be late next time."

The brunette walked away from the bossy blonde towards Amy who had very obviously been eavesdropping the entire conversation. "She's harsh."

Beca just nodded in response, then started up her first lap as she didn't want to give Aubrey another reason to shout at her. 

She was out of breath by the time she finished her second lap of the auditorium but she pushed through it and got in another two. 

Her tall best friend was at her side when Beca's heart felt like it was pumping out of her chest. 

"Thanks for ditching with me. I really needed that." Stacie said, her breathing completely normal and she didn't even sound like she'd been running for the past few minutes. 

Beca inhaled through her nose, and let out the breathy exhale. She nodded, "Yeah. Me too."

The taller brunette came to a halt, and Beca wondered if she could escape the last two laps, but Aubrey caught her eye and sent her a glare, so Beca carried on, as she pretended that every single one of her muscles weren't aching. 

A few seconds went by before Beca was joined by a very enthusiastic redhead. Before Beca could ask what she was doing, Chloe beat her to it. "It's not fair you have to run alone just because you were late." Beca flashed Chloe a smile to show her appreciation- the best one she could whilst sweating and struggling to breathe. 

Beca and Chloe finished up the final two laps then rejoined the group after guzzling down some water. 

Aubrey barely waited for Beca to have a breather before she started the soundtrack. As soon as Beca picked up on the first few notes of Ace of Base, she zoned the song out and relied on her feet to get the steps right without paying much attention. The song was practically putting her to sleep. She was so tired of hearing the same boring shit on repeat, it was making her wonder why the hell she'd stuck around. 

The only reason Beca joined the Barden Bellas in the first place was because her Dad wanted her to 'get involved in the high school experience' and he was afraid that Beca would distance herself from everyone after her mom died. Beca knew he had good intentions - he just wanted her to make friends, she was in her freshman year, in a new town where she didn't know anybody, but she was incredibly stubborn back then, so for a while she pretended that she didn't mind being alone as she fought off how lonely she felt.

But to Beca it didn't make sense why he supported her decision to join the Bellas but not the band. They were both music related and improved her social life drastically - what was the difference?

* * *

The heavy door slammed shut behind her as she left the auditorium, but Beca hadn't realised how loud it was because her headphones were already slotted over her ears. But the noise had attracted the attention of a few stragglers in the hallway - one in particular. 

She paused the song on her phone then added two songs by The Neighbourhood to her queue. 

“Hey, Mitchell. Wait up!” 

Beca didn't turn around to locate the person yelling at her, she didn't need to. She'd recognise that annoying voice anywhere. She pulled her headphones from her ears and left them to rest around her neck. “What do you want, Chicago?”

She continued towards her locker and unlocked it, busying herself with the task of locating the folder she shoved in there earlier that day. Beca quickly noted that she really needed to clear out her locker, there were too many crumpled sheets of music, half finished song lyrics and probably missing homework. 

“You’re friends with the redhead, right?” Chicago quizzed, as soon as he reached Beca's side. 

“Dude, ‘The redhead’ has a name.” Beca replied, as she purposely avoided his eyes. She didn't like the way he was talking about Chloe, so if he was just going to be a disrespectful prick then she'd just ignore him or tell him to back off. 

Guys like Chicago were bad news. They were jerks who acted however they wanted just because they had rich parents to back them up if it all went to shit. Beca had rich friends - Jesse, Aubrey, Amy, and Chloe - but they didn't act like they were better than everyone else just because they had money. They also didn't treat Beca any differently because her family didn't have a lot of money. 

Beca normally fled from guys like Chicago, because wherever they went, trouble followed them. 

“Chloe." Chicago nodded, "You’re friends with Chloe?”

The smaller brunette shrugged, her badass exterior fixed in place. “Yeah. What is it to you?” She questioned, whilst retrieving her English folder from her locker and swapping it for her notebook. She also collected as many of the loose pieces of paper as she could. She had so many lyrics ideas written down but rarely looked at them enough to actually form them into a song. 

“I was wondering if you could help me score a date with her.” Beca grunted when Chicago put his arm up to lean against the locker beside hers. 

She glanced up at him, quickly taking in his cocky smirk, before she slammed her locker shut. "Why would I help you?" She scoffed, challenging him with a glare. 

"Come on, Mitchell." Chicago groaned, "I thought we put all that shit behind us?"

"We did." Beca nodded, her eyebrows furrowed as she considered her next words, "But I still don’t like you."

For a moment Chicago looked taken aback, as he wondered why anyone wouldn't like him - he genuinely believed that every girl at Barden High was head over heels in love with him. If only he knew. "Okay..?" He hesitated, "Will you help me or not?"

"No." She said firmly, "Chloe is too good for you."

Beca watched Chicago's face as he registered her words. He was known to lose his temper, so Beca wondered if he was going to hit her. If he did, it would have been worth it to see the look on his face a few seconds prior. 

He didn't hit her, but instead he slammed his fist into the locker beside Beca's head which made her flinch. 

“Fine.” Was all he muttered before he turned on his heel and walked away from her. 

He really was a fucking prick.

* * *

Back at the Mitchell-Junk household, both of the Junk girls and the Mitchell father-daughter duo were seated around the dining table.

Beca scraped her fork around her plate, barely touching her food as she was too distracted by her own thoughts to eat. Her hunger had subsided as soon as she entered the kitchen in time to witness her father stood beside Emily at the stove. The two were mid-deep in laughter as they watched a piece of pasta fall from the ceiling and land by her fathers foot. Beca never understood why people threw pasta at the wall to check if it was cooked - why not just taste it? Kat had appeared behind them with a saucepan, which Beca guessed was containing homemade pasta sauce. Within seconds she had joined in on the laughter too. The three of them had seemed so happy and content together - without her. 

It made Beca feel like an outsider in her own home. 

When Beca was a child she always wished that her father would want to spend time with her and actually act like a father figure. 

She would spend nights thinking she had done something wrong. All the times that he was over an hour late to pick her up from school she believed was his way of punishing her, and not because he was as drunk as a skunk. Or the time she asked him to help with her English homework and he had slapped it out of her hands claiming that he didn't have the time. 

Growing up, all Beca wanted was her father back. The kind man that cuddled her when she was scared and read her bedtime stories and exaggerated all of the voices. But the father she longed for was gone. She was just holding onto the memory of him, too afraid to let go and lose her father altogether. 

Just as Beca felt ready to let her father go, he was suddenly back in her life again. But it wasn't the same as when she was a child. She had spent years wishing for him to come back to her but now that he had it just felt forced, like something was missing. _Her mother._

But it wasn't entirely her father's fault, Beca hadn't exactly tried to mend their relationship either. 

She couldn't help think that Emily was the daughter he had always wanted. 

_Of course she is._

_Nobody wants a broken girl like me for a daughter._

_What would he say if he knew I'm gay?_

Beca was broken from her spiralling thoughts when she heard her name. "Why aren't you eating, Beca?" Wren set his cutlery down to examine his daughter. 

"Stomach ache." Was all Beca could muster, but she couldn't help but wonder how her father would react if she came out to him. 

She imagined it would go something like this: " _Dad...Kat...There's something I've been wanting to tell you guys for quite some time but I didn't know how to say it. I don't really know how you're going to take this - probably bad - so I think I'm just going to go for it. So, um...I'm gay."_ And her father would be shocked at first, his face flushed, but then figure out she must be joking, because his daughter most definitely is not gay. So he'd laugh, and say something along the lines of _'Good one, Beca'_ which would only push Beca further into the closet. 

She didn't want to travel to Narnia any time soon so she decided it wasn't the right time to tell them. 

But now that she had her family all together, she thought it was a great time to tell them about her upcoming gig. "Uh, guys, I - we - the band - has a gig on Friday night. I was wondering if I should save you some seats?"

Emily was the first of the three to respond. "O-M-G. I'll be there." The grin on her face widened and Beca mirrored the expression, happy that at least one person in her family was supportive of her music.

"Dad?" 

Beca noticed the glance shared between her Dad and Katherine, the dead air between them was not a great sign. She knew what her Dad would say. 

"Friday? I'm so sorry Bec, I have a night shift at the hospital." Beca's expression faltered for a moment but then she acknowledged the sincerity that flashed in Kat's eyes. 

"Dad? Will you be there?" She tried again, even though she knew he would make up an excuse not to attend. "You've never been to one of my shows."

Wren sighed, "Beca, this band of yours is not going to help you pass your exams and get into a good college."

_Here we fucking go._

She dropped her fork onto her plate with a clunk. "Not everything in life is about college." Beca snapped back. 

"Perhaps not." He said, then he lifted his fork to his mouth. He was ignoring Beca's gaze and that only increased her anger. After he finished the mouthful of spaghetti, he glanced up at Beca. "But college comes first, and then if you want to join a band or become a clown then you can do that." His tone was emotionless, which told Beca he was already bored of the conversation, but she wasn't ready to give it up just yet. 

Frustration boiled through Beca's blood at her father's words. She almost couldn't believe that he compared her band to the fucking circus. 

"Jesus christ." She grunted and shook her head in disbelief. 

She watched her father shake his head, then scratch at his receding hairline. "I just think that you need to spend a little less time messing about with music and more time focusing on your academic subjects which are going to get you into college."

"I don't want to go to college, Dad. I want to move to LA, work at a music label and start paying my dues." She tried to get her father to really hear her - that was what she wanted, why didn't he ever fucking listen to her?

"DJ'ing is not a profession Beca." He stated firmly. 

Beca's eyes flickered over to Emily across the table. The younger brunette had a nervous expression planted on her face, but when she caught Beca's eye she attempted to offer a smile. The sight of Emily - the innocent and most kind-hearted girl Beca had ever came across - made Beca's frown falter and the corners of her lips curve up slightly, not enough to form a smile but it was close. 

But as soon as Beca's eyes landed on her father again, her anger was back and she wanted nothing more than to flip the dining table until he looked at her and actually listened to what she had to say. 

"I don't just want to DJ. I want to produce music - make music, Dad." Beca sighed. She knew there was no point explaining anything to her father. 

A light huff slipped passed Wren's lips. "That's an unrealistic dream, Beca." He told her. 

"Right." Beca nodded, her fists were now clenched by her sides and her face furrowed. She tried to get her father to lock eyes with her one more time but he refused to even look up. "Fuck this." She muttered after she stood up from her seat. 

Beca gripped onto her leather jacket and reached for her keys from the counter. Buddy followed her lead without her even instructing him to do so. 

Her father didn't try to prevent her from leaving. He didn't even ask her where she was going. He simply stared into his lap, avoiding the glares from his daughter and the intense gaze from his girlfriend.

Kat tried to stop her, by suggesting that they talk it over, but Beca ignored her. She loved Kat, but she just couldn't be in that house any longer. 

Beca fled out of the front door and jumped into her truck with Buddy in tow. She didn't know where she was driving until she pulled into a park and decided to get out. 

Buddy loved the large areas of greenery and soon found interest in a stick which Beca threw multiple times until her arms started to hurt. 

She slid onto the grass, her back came to rest against a tree and Buddy slotted in beside her. 

_Why won't he give me a chance?_

Her eyes glossed over but she blinked away the unshed tears before they could fall. She wouldn't allow herself to cry, especially not over something that her father said. He wasn't worth it. 

_Maybe he's right. What if I am shit at this? All I have is music. What am I going to do if-_

Her thoughts were abandoned when the alert tone she'd been longing to hear sounded from her phone. She scrambled for her phone from her pocket and stared at the screen. The single gmail notification made a shiver run over the entirety of Beca's body. 

"Oh, shit, Bud. She replied." Beca said, and as if Buddy understood what she was saying, he jumped closer to her and started to rub his head against her arm. 

* * *

**FROM:** fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
 **TO:** blueandblackrain@gmail.com  
 **SUBJECT:** hey you

 _A huge ass secret, huh? Is it the same as my secret? If so, when did you know? Does_ _anyone else know?_

_-Red_

_(PS – Titanium is my jam!!!)_

* * *

Beca couldn't contain her excitement as she read through the email, granted it was a short one, it was still a reply. Red - now she actually had a name to call her - had actually replied to her and Beca couldn't quite believe it.

Buddy's barking interrupted her daze and she pulled away as a grin took over her face. "Holy shit, dude." Beca mumbled once the nerves had set in. "She knows David Guetta."

* * *

**FROM:** blueandblackrain@gmail.com  
 **TO:** fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
 **SUBJECT:** when you knew

_I’ve known my entire life that I wasn’t like most girls, little things like choosing to make mud pies and having sword fights with sticks instead of playing dress up or hair dressing with the other girl’s in my grade. Hating the colour pink, and asking for a skateboard for Christmas one year when all my friends asked for makeup and designer clothes._

_Even though I knew from so early on that I was different, I only really figured out I was gay when I was fourteen. I started crushing hard on one of my friends, to the point where it was lowkey obsessive, (I’m not a stalker – I was just a baby gay) only then did I realise that what I felt for her was beyond what friendship should be._

_I haven’t told anyone – except my dog, he’s a great listener._

_When did you know?_

_-Melody._

_(Hold up - You know David Guetta?)_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :))))


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